i thought i was out the game...in the hospital for two days...26 with chest pains...but im good though....strong like bull...and "my dick is so clean you could boil it in some collard greens" (c) devin the dude

9.18.06 6.22p

Just out the rain of my hometown I feel pain
Pain for the brother lost to the air he breathed,
I grieved and I mourned
Felt scorned by those who oppose what I see as write
Spelling correct please don’t dissect or interject your feelings or opinions
These are the ramblings of a man who lost his youth
It wasn’t taken from me more liked snatched
Removed from me so that I could try to guide those I felt were going astray
And at the same time I just might have lost what really mattered
I’m flattered to hear people say that you are a man of class
But I would surely pass all that up
for a cup of hot tea and a conversation with my brother
To escape the unbearable reality of manhood and once again be JJ
The little brother that could do no wrong…
Those days were actually gone before his death
but at the moment there was no turning back
Once you look into you mothers eyes and tell her that her first born son is no more
you cannot be a child again
And yes I can joke and I can play
shit you might say that Jarrod is the silliest nigga you know…and man you might be right
But I am to keep the truth from coming to light
That I am a child lost in a mans body
Not a child in mentality or frame by any means
I get shit done
But the child in me was lost a long time ago and my laughter is my search for that kid
That browned eyed kid with the big lips who loves dogs and good music
That kid that loved to write and watch his beloved Colts
I don’t think people understand
Sundays are not a game to me…that’s a family connection that was built by big plays, big losses and that Steeler playoff game when I realized we’d probably never make it to a Superbowl…
But that’s okay cause me and Dad and Phillip and on occasion terry would get together and just have a good time.
Mom would cook up some food and Dad would have some beer
and we would just yell and yell
Can you tell that im crying right now tears hitting my keyboard at 30000 feet
Im above the clouds
Literally and metaphorically
Historically I have been afraid to fly
But today I embrace the atmosphere of the atmosphere
Its as close to Phillip as I can get and still be able to see my loved ones
If only for a couple hours
On this day 33 years ago
My Dad married the one woman that can keep him under control
And I am confident that I will follow in his footsteps soon.
I just wish that Phillip could be there to see it.

PS. The playoff game in question was Harbaugh, not Manning.

PSS. Came home to no electricity...